Where No Man Has Gone Before

[ineedmymods]

For bring_me_sugar
From debirlfan


Title: "Where No Man Has Gone Before"
Fandom: Big Bang Theory
Rating: PG
Author's Notes: enjoy!


"I don't understand."

Penny resisted the temptation to roll her eyes. For someone who's IQ was virtually off the charts, there was certainly a lot that Sheldon didn't understand. "What, Sweetie?"

"I don't understand why we're having pizza on what is always Thai food night. My stomach is expecting chicken satay. I'm really not sure how well tomato sauce and cheese will be received."

"At least you can eat the cheese," Leonard groused, until a look from Penny quieted him.

"Thai food is full of peanuts, and Howard is deathly allergic to them. Do you really want to chance him coming back from space and immediately ending up in the emergency room?"

"I suppose not. However, I'm not sure why he and Bernadette are coming here. They have their own home to go to. Although to be more precise it is Mrs. Wolowitz's home, but still." His eyebrows drew together in what Penny was coming to recognize as suspicion. "This isn't a welcome home party, is it? Because we don't -have- parties."

Leonard cut her off before she could answer. "Of course not. If it was a party, there would be balloons." He made a sweeping gesture that took in the entire room. "No balloons, no party."

"Definitely no party, dude. If this was a party, I wouldn't be drinking crappy light beer." Raj held up the bottle he was drinking from. Fortunately the alcoholic content was sufficient to loosen his tongue without leaving him drunk.

Penny was glad that the others had interrupted. She knew but wasn't about to say why their friends were joining them instead of privately celebrating at home. In Howard's absence things had gotten so bad between his mother and his new wife that Bernie had spent most of her nights crashed on either Amy's or Penny's couch. Bernie hadn't wanted Howard to know and had sworn Penny to secrecy, fearing that if the guys found out they might let it slip in email or video chat.

There was a knock on the door, and Leonard answered it to reveal Amy. She was, unfortunately, carrying a huge bunch of balloons in one hand and a shopping bag in the other. Even worse, she had a party hat perched precariously atop her head.

Sheldon made a face. "I knew it."

"Hello, all." Amy tied the balloons to the back of a chair then joined Penny and Sheldon on the sofa, sliding into the seat between them. She indicated the bag she had brought with her. "I was uncertain whether returning from the International Space Station was a gift-receiving occasion, so I erred on the side of caution."

"I don't think gifts are necessary, Amy," Leonard answered.

Amy shrugged and handed the bag to Penny. "In that case, this is for you."

"Oh. Ah, thanks."

"If it's too small, I can exchange it. Just ignore the paper."

Curiosity piqued, Penny peaked into the bag. The gift, whatever it was, was wrapped in children's gift wrap with cartoonish images of stars and planets on it. "It's a t-shirt," Amy whispered in her ear. "It says, 'Astronauts do it among the stars.'"

Penny wasn't sure what to say to that. "Can I get you something to drink?" she asked instead.

"Wine, please." Amy indicated the bottle that was already open on the coffee table.

Sheldon made a tisk-tisking sound and glared at Penny over Amy's head. "I blame you for this."

Pouring Amy a healthy glass of the burgundy liquid, Penny scowled back at him. "You haven't seen anything yet."

Before Sheldon could reply, there was another quick rap at the door, immediately followed by it swinging open. Howard and Bernadette both stuck their heads in. "Look who's back!" Bernadette announced happily.

"What happened to you?" Leonard asked as they entered. Howard was sporting two black eyes and his nose was bandaged.

Howard's cheeks colored. "Oh, um, those Russian capsules land pretty hard. I sort of bumped my nose when we touched down."

Penny managed not to snort at that. From what Bernie had told her, he had "bumped his nose" on the fist of a cosmonaut. Apparently Howard had rubbed one of his fellow astronauts the wrong way until the guy had taken a swing at him. "In space, no one can hear you scream," she said, teasing.

"Huh?"

"Never mind." If Howard wanted the others to think that his injury had been accidental, so be it.

The pizza delivery man picked that moment to arrive. Leonard paid him then brought the boxes back to the table. Boxes were opened and slices distributed.

"In what reality is this considered 'light olives?'" Sheldon asked, frowning at his piece of pizza.

Long accustomed to his complaints, the others ignored him. "So Howard, tell us about space," Penny prompted.

"Well, it's really big," Howard answered, "And empty." He started to rub at his nose but flinched and pulled his hand away. "And the other astronauts don't like it when you make jokes about not opening the pod bay doors."

"Did you get to use the space toilet you designed?" Raj asked.

Howard blushed again. "Uh, no. There's a lot of stuff on that station that makes some really weird noises. Every time I heard something hiss I thought we'd been hit by a micrometeorite and sprung an air leak." He reached over and patted Bernadette on the knee. "By the way, honey, thanks for reminding me to take extra underwear."

"I thought you might need them."

He looked uncomfortable. "Yeah. Anyhow, I did get to operate the Wolowitz Programmable Hand."

Leonard snickered. "Dare I ask what you were doing with it?"

Raj sipped his beer. "I hope that Pooh remembered that no one was going to help him if he got his head stuck in the honey tree again."

"Howie?" Bernadette asked.

"It's nothing, just guy talk," Howard stammered.

Penny shook her head in response to the inquiring look Bernadette gave her, and saw Amy do the same. She remembered Howard using the arm to serve Chinese food, but assumed there was more to the story than that.

On the other end of the sofa, Sheldon set his plate down and cleared his throat. "Howard Wolowitz, I have something I feel I need to say."

Howard rolled his eyes. "Yes, Sheldon?"

Sheldon screwed up his lips, and it was a long moment before he spoke. "Howard, I have always berated you over your lack of a doctoral degree. Repeatedly I have reminded you that you are only an engineer."

"Thank you so much for reminding me yet again."

"I'm not finished." Sheldon paused. "You were selected from among your peers to go into space, and regardless of the state of your underwear, you successfully completed a NASA mission to the International Space Station. Perhaps I have somewhat underestimated your intelligence."

Penny was dumbstruck, and could tell Howard and the others were as well. It wasn't quite an apology, but it was far closer to one than Sheldon usually ventured.

"Thank you, Sheldon," Howard answered, when he found his voice.

"You're welcome." Sheldon turned his attention back to his pizza. "Now can someone explain to me why there are mushrooms on this pizza? I most definitely never ordered mushrooms."

This fic is mirrored at ineedmyfics.